Here I am, one more time, just to say you’re always on my mind…
It’s been a year. Well more or less. You probably have moved on. And you’ll most likely never see this, but I hope you’re doing well. And i miss you? Sure, I miss you. You made me feel special, you helped me, saved me, drowned out the voices. Saying good morning, good night, saying that you want me by your side. Where did all that go? I was stupid. I don’t know what you did. I cant really say what you thought, but I can say what you said the last day we spoke. We talked, well argued. I closed Skype, but you messaged me saying “I know you’re online, I can see you in the stream chat.” Why were you looking at the stream chat? Just to yell at me more? Wait, stop. Im not here to argue again. I’m here to say I’m sorry again. And if I had the courage to, I’d send you this, but here I am typing this so everyone can see. I’m not a bitch, I don’t post names, Your identity is secret. Only some people would know… Only the ones that are close to be or that I talk to. My friends say all relationships have their ups and downs… What made you think I was a, and I quote, “creep”. I didn’t stalk you. I didn’t constantly message you. I’m not saying you did that because you didn’t. It’s just that… I really liked you, and I mean a lot. Ask any of my friends, they knew. Even a month or so after our “break up” I still mentioned you. They asked me “why do you care about him still?” and honestly the way they said it made me almost think that they sabotaged it and told you lies to make me stop talking about you… I’m sorry. Everyone that I burdened with these feelings, I’m so sorry. But now… I’m alone, wanting another friendship like that, and maybe even a relationship. Anyways, I wish you’d understand. I wish you’d be there again, or at least we can start over… Please… I mean I’ve tried to move on, but every guy I had some little interest in has a girlfriend and we don’t really talk much. I may really be, and I hate to say this, but I really think that I’ll be alone for along time. No one has ever been able to make the voices stop, make my anxiety fade, but now that you’re gone… It’s all going down, fast.