Not a Crush

I know… Well I think I know what having a crush feels like, but this is TOTALLY not one. Just a strong friendship. I’m glad its not a crush. I cant put up with another one… Oh gosh… I actually dont know if its a crush. Ugh!! It’s not like the way I felt for… Lets call him Seth just to use his first initial… Because I saw his face everywhere. But this guy, its like my mind wants to see him and feel the same way that I felt for Seth. I just have no clue anymore.
This blog, I use it as my safe haven. Everthing I write here shall not be spoken to me outside of the internet. And no real names are used in posts. I do this to protect their privacy. Because I couldnt care less about my own on here. You want to use my blog against me? Go ahead. I wont try to stop you. This is my safe haven, my stone tablet, my story.
Anyways… Got carried away sorry… Back to the post: I just dont want this to backfire like the past ten times. I just dont want to get hurt again like before. Everyday I feel like I’ll fall to my knees crying just because I argue with myself everyday. I just cant take this anymore! Hiding these secrets.
The things that torture me every night. I… Its too hard to keep these secrets..
Thats all. Thanks for reading. Peace and Love.

Why Can’t I Stop Thinking About You?

It’s been months…He hates me, wants me dead, and probably has forgotten all about me. My friend says I’m like a puppy. Bad things can happen and I’ll still be loyal to you. Kind of an odd analogy, but it fits. I worry about him all of the time. I try to hide it, but then I got into panic attack mode and my heart starts to race. Why can’t I just forget him like I do with homework!? Maybe because homework never said “I don’t care if you kill yourself. You’re a fuck ugly fucktard.” (Sorry for the language. Actual quote right there). I don’t understand how after all of that I still worry and hope that he’s okay when I should be focused on keeping myself sane. Speaking of homework… I have a ton of work, but I guess I can do it tomorrow. Going off topic… As usual… Anyways I like doing this. Posting on my blog and just letting my mind be free. I can be myself. I wonder what he’s doing. But why do I care?!?!?!?! I don’t want to care, but I feel like that I have to! I don’t understand why he turned so quickly. It was like for that day he was possessed by some demon he called me a creep, and I have no idea why. If it’s because of this blog than fine, but every time I write on this it’s just me going on and on not paying any attention to what I’m typing. Is this even making any sense? I don’t know… I tried to apologize, but now that I think about it I have no idea what I apologized for. Or why. I don’t think I had a reason to. I think it was when he would message me or answer me so I just assumed that he was mad at me, so I apologized. He didn’t forgive me. But now that doesn’t surprise me. Did he even have a thing to forgive me for. I mean I had nothing to apologize for.

Anyways I think that’s all for tonight. Thanks for reading.

~Peace and Love. Stay Awesome. Good Night.