I hate waking up at 6 am to go to school. I get headaches everyday and I get interrogated by my dad non-stop! I need space. I need my privacy. I can’t even get a drink of water without being asked what I’m doing. I don’t go outside because they’ll ask me constantly where I’m going, but then they ask me Why don’t I go outside. Honestly without my computer, I probably would have gone insane by now. It keeps me calm. Listen to music that somehow relates to my life/current situations. I go online to be myself, and I can be as weird as I want. Weird’s cool.
I get nervous for no reason. My heart races extremely fast, way faster than it’s supposed to. I freak out over that which makes it worse, and half the things I do just scare me more. I love being myself. My parents don’t even accept me for who I am, but I change everyone does. BUT! If I say something about a video game, my dad will call my a geek like it’s a bad thing. And that really makes me mad. And now they won’t stop bothering me like “You need to be friends with your cousin again, you need to she’s family.” Well I’m sorry that I go to school to learn and I have things that involve my sanity and are more important that making up with someone. They act like I just got arrested and keep saying, “Don’t write anymore online. Don’t talk to strangers online even if they’re your age.” Well you know what too bad because these so called “strangers” comfort me WAY better than you do. And they keep me from crying unlike what you do. I get so stressed out at school by all of the work I have and what I have to do to pass the year or even to graduate. First we’re a child and go to school everything around us impacting our future, then we’re an adult and those things from our past come back and may haunt us and cause us to do things that aren’t right, then we die having what ever happened in our lives show who we were and made us our own legacy.
I spent much of my childhood with a plastered on fake smile, and I have tried to find the right friends who would make that smile real, but all those years no one took that fake smile and made it real, not until this year. A random stranger that I never met before managed to make me smile. A real smile, a smile that wouldn’t go away for hours. I never smiled for real like that in a long time. A friend will be there to help them see everything that they were to blind with sadness to notice. Happiness that I could not achieve with my own family, but with a complete stranger who has become my friend. We can talk about anything, unicorns, feelings, and well… I can be myself around them.
And one more thing before I go. This blog that I write is never a lie. I tell the complete 100% truth. I keep everything on the down low. No names besides mine. And no one knows who I am outside of this blog. At school I’m just a background student, that only at the end of the year will people in my classes actually know my name. I wait for the weekend hoping that all of my questions would be answered and my promises kept. The weekend is when I plan everything and anything. My promised plans are and will always be weekend things like Friday after 15:00 (3pm)-Sunday. Three days for me to start and finish plans.
The Me Behind The Screen 