I had no idea what to put as the title.
I love listening to music when I lean on my chair and stare at my ceiling. It’s kept me “calm” for the day. My heartbeat has felt odd like 1…2…3…123…1…2…3…123… Too complicated for me to explain, but basically it’s like normal beat for a bit then it beats rapidly then slows down again. It worries me, and I have enough things on my mind that confuse me at the moment.
My emotions have just confused me the most. I’m happy at one moment, but then I feel sick to my stomach. I get nervous then my heartbeats super fast, then slows down. At one moment I didn’t feel like talking to someone, but now at this moment I really want to talk to someone that’s not going to nag at me about something stupid. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs and just going on a long run. I have asthma and running is not a good thing, but there are times when I sprint as fast as I can and don’t stop until I feel like passing out. Those moments calm me down if I can’t talk to anyone, but they can have their consequences like me having to go to the hospital because I can’t breathe or just passing out in the middle of the street (depending on where I am at the time). And please disregard any past post about me liking that guy that always makes me smile because right now I have no idea what I’m feeling right now, but this doesn’t mean that those feelings are gone because they’re not… I don’t think they are. I’m just so confused right now! I have too many things running through my head that are yelled out when no one is home. Things that don’t even make sense. They’re just thoughts that need to escape, and I don’t even know what those thoughts are, they’re just there and then they escape at random times. I just… I need to breathe, I need my space away from my parents, family, school, and just reality. I need to be online and just calm myself down. Death frightens me so much that I can’t think about it or I’ll worry. Saying it is fine but now I start to think about it and it freaks me out and I just need to get my mind off of it and everything that happens behind this screen. i need to walk away from my life that’s behind this screen and just calm down and not worry. I always feel like that computer screens connect people with someone else. And if you look hard enough (hypothetically speaking/metaphor/expression) you can see who the person really is. Just like reading in between the lines, which if you knew me well enough you would be able to tell who/what I’ve been talking about or how I really felt for all of these months.
I thinks that’s all for today. Thanks for reading if you do.
❤ Until Next Time ❤
The Me Behind The Screen 