Who Am I

I’m the type of girl that you can’t picture wearing make up. The type of person that people assume the worst of. I am the person that tells themself to die once they wake up and cry themself to sleep. I don’t hate life, no, I hate the people that ruined it. All of those who assumed I would become a killer, a drug addict, or an alcoholic, when I grow up; they are the reason why I hate my life. Well you know what, I can’t picture myself killing. I don’t do drugs or drink, but sometimes I feel like I need them to escape.
All of the people who try to guilt me into doing things, for instance be a vegetarian, it’s not working, and I think it’s pretty fucking shallow for you to do that. I have nothing against vegans or vegetarians, but if you keep judging my life style you can leave.
All of the people who assumed things about me like “oh, don’t do that or she’ll kill you”, you can get out of my life for good. Because you are the people that make my life miserable, make people be distant from me, and just ruin my life.
Now, Im not pretty, hell, I honestly try not to look in a mirror because I dont recognize myself, so yeah, I think Im ugly. And that’s why people make fun of me. Fucking shallow ass hats… I have had a crush on some guys in my school and online, and my worst fear is telling them because Im afraid they’ll say no because Im ugly. That’s why I dont take selfies. Im afraid of being made fun of. Im terrified for that matter.
Online I can be me, but not really me. I want to tell someone that I kinda like them, but we never really talked before. He lives in another country, which makes it worse. I want to start talking to him, but Im afraid of rejection.

Also, some people are suprised at what I write and tell me “Oh, you act like this tough girl, but youre actually very emotional.” I dont say anything, but in my head this is what I say:
No fucking shit Sherlock. Im a human, I have feelings. I cry, I laugh. And I dont try to act tough. I am the last person you want judge like that. I am not tough, Im quiet, Im shy, Im emotional, and I am scared.