Depression as always been in my life. In my family, I would usually be the one who is in that state, but just recently I found out that my brother is cutting himself. He says he’s depressed, but I don’t understand, I’ve been in more states of depression than him. He has friends that he hangs out with, he’s talented with the guitar, he hardly needs to do anything around the house, and I guess the only thing that can make him depressed is a break up, which I find stupid. A relationship should not drive you to the point of near suicide. And guess what, my Mother found out that he is cutting himself. I figured it out before she told me when in 95F weather he wore long sleeved shirts. That is one reason how people at my old school thought I cut myself, I wore jackets all day everyday. I was in a very bad state of depression before; caused by when I lost almost all of my friends, behind my back I was told that I was ugly or fat. I’ve stopped eating for days, I cried about losing my friends, my parents never knew… Everyone thought I was always happy with my life. I told my teacher, who was probably the greatest friend to me, that when I cried I would have a knife in my hand and wait, I was so afraid of pain and sadness I thought it would be the answer, but then I asked myself, “How can pain get rid of pain?” It doesn’t, the pain and sadness will just pile up onto each other and weigh you down, pain won’t solve pain it’ll only make it worse. Why add fuel when the house is burning down. I never had the knife pierce my skin, I may not have physical scars, but I have emotional ones, but the “knife” that did pierce my skin was MUSIC. Two roads: Knife of Pain, and Knife of Music. I took music as my comfort, and blasted those rock songs in my headphones. I don’t leave my house without my Music. No blade and no pain. Only Music. Music is how I express myself.
Now I’m not saying that it works with everyone and you have to put down the blade, but please think about this: What’s the point of creating more pain to cover pain and why should you(the person reading this) be in more pain than you already were in.
Just remember that there is someone out there who is worried about you. Also I have asked myself, “It’ll be better if I’m gone. No one will miss me!” but then the question, “Won’t it?” followed. So please put the knife down and and breathe, I know it’s not easy, but it’s not impossible.
YOU ARE LOVED BY MANY AND YOU ARE IN THE HEARTS OF MANY. ~I am one of the many.~
WE ARE ALL HUMAN.
With love,
Tiffany.
The Me Behind The Screen 